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Getting caught cheating is a great way to end the already limited conversation that takes place in the average marriage. Unfortunately, this is a time when the conversation is more critical than any other in your marriage.

The problem, for the moment, is that there is a palpable distance between you. In places where conversation was so easy before, an awkward silence now prevails. Talking can be cheap, but the lack of meaningful conversation right now is killing your chances of a successful second chance.

Need help!

These four great conversation starters will help you start opening up to each other so you can enjoy the casual intimacy that is so important in marriages.

1) Tell me a story. This is a great start to those nights where both of you are lying in bed and can’t find the right words to say to each other. They are both awake, but the night is deadly silent and extremely uncomfortable. Turn around and ask your husband or wife to tell you their favorite story about when you were dating. When that story is told, return the favor with one of your own. Sharing the memories you built together will remind you both of the good times you had together and will be a pleasant reminder of how wonderful things can be between you.

2) What if? Ask your wife what she would do if the two of you could do anything without worrying about time, cost, or children. You may be surprised by the answer and she will surely be surprised by the question. The real key here is not in the question, not even in your answer, but in the information it gives you about your wife. Although you probably can’t bring her entire fantasy adventure to life, you may be able to fill a small part of it.

3) Do you know what I love the most about you? Ask your husband this question and be prepared to offer a pretty impressive list of answers. This causes both of you to seek out each other’s best features (even if he’s not verbally playing games) and can invite a lot of follow-up conversations. It’s a fun way to build a new, positive relationship between the two of you without the tension of a past affair hovering over your heads.

4) I dare you! Do you want to be a little playful with your conversations? How about a friendly game of truth or challenge? Keep it all clean (or not so clean if you’ve gotten to that point and are comfortable with it) and avoid asking forceful questions. They want to reveal things about others, but they want to keep the environment light. It’s a great way to learn some fun facts and take on some exciting challenges. Just be sure to set the ground rules before you start.

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