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Being chased by a debt collector or bailiff can be one of the most traumatic and stressful experiences imaginable for an individual or family.

In the current economic climate, more and more creditors are employing the services of such to recover unpaid and delinquent debt.

Unlike bank bailouts, little fiscal intervention is accessible to those without the means to pay.

With a prized possession at stake, the tried and tested strategies below will educate the debtor in all areas of bailiff evasion while significantly alleviating much of the potential pain applicable, should their possessions be under duress.

1. Temporarily remove your name from the voter registry. The voter registry is the first place a bailiff will go to confirm that you are the person they are looking for. Think of it like your telescopic sight on your forty-five magnum.

2. Change the identification plate on the door and the doorbell of your property; this kills the scent of the hunting hound.

3. Do not leave any windows open, bailiffs are authorized by law to enter a property through any missing or open window. If they succeed, they are allowed to either hit you with an on-the-spot citation or, more worryingly, appraise and encumber the property owned for resale.

4. Close all blinds and shades inside your home and property. If they are unable to access the internal parts of the property, they may look through the windows of the properties to verify the eligibility of the internal property for sale before returning for a second visit with a van to collect.

5. If you have a motor vehicle or car, I strongly recommend that you place the car in exile in a hidden location. Similar to the one that witnessed the departure of Napoleon Bonaparte towards Santa Elena.

The reason you should consider this option is in case the creditor, out of sheer desperation, tries to repossess the car or take a second charge on it. This may occur in the event that the creditor or bailiff does not recover the debt through internal asset taxation of his property.

6. Always communicate with the bailiffs by email, and when doing so, copy all correspondence you send them through your local deputy’s office, senator’s office, or attorney. It is important that there is a solid flow of communication collected in case the dispute goes nuclear.

7. If marshals inadvertently gain access to your property, by law they can only take non-essential items like televisions and stereos.

One way to prevent these precious consumer goods from being taxed is to claim that these items are, in fact, essential goods, indispensable on a daily basis to your work as a media consultant. Get a letter from a friendly media company to substantiate this.

8. I strongly urge you to withdraw any savings or money you may have from your bank account during any period of sheriff’s persuasion.

This action will mitigate the dire possibility of your bank account being frozen or any garnishment placed on your winnings.

Load the savings onto a series of prepaid master cards for everyday money running.

Your employer can also upload wages and salaries to these master cards.

9. Last but most importantly, the best nugget I can arm you with during this rough period is to implement the successful sheriff evasion technique that I personally used as seen below.

The first thing you need to know about handling bailiffs is that they are all trained in a technique called NLP or neuro-linguistic programming, whereby they can read body language to interpret if the debtor is telling them a big porky. Think of it like a polygraph test without the electronics.

Let me show you if I can.

Being confronted at my door with the first line of “Christopher Dorman”

The brain’s natural response is to automatically pilot a “Yes” response when asked to confirm their name. This is basic psychology 101.

If you provide the affirmative answer Yes, you will immediately receive a summons and the court will call or worse, the bailiffs will enter the property and deem your assets eligible for repossession.

To be fair, it is a natural reaction to confirm your name, but unless asked by a police officer, you are not required by law to provide such details.

Therefore, I strongly recommend that you do the following.

Sheriff “Christopher Dorman”

Debtor “I’m afraid not, friend, if you leave your name and number, I’ll forward it to your new address.”

As long as you provide this answer with beautiful nuances, you will avoid the wrath of the collector.

10. The only caveat in my strategy above, it only applies if the money is owed directly to Her Majesties Inland Revenue or the IRS in the United States. If said money is due to the former, then no bailiff techniques in this world will be helpful.

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