Ever since the breakup you’ve been wishing and hoping to receive a sign from the universe suggesting that your ex boyfriend wants you back, right? It’s understandable. You still love him and feel like the breakup was a mistake. Unfortunately, your ex seems to have moved on without giving much thought to what you would like. But now you’ve heard about his friend. It can’t just be an innocent gesture, right? The friend must have been sent to check on you by your ex. At least that’s what your broken heart is trying to tell you. Sadly, I am here to tell you something very different. The fact that a friend of your ex has contacted you means very little in the big picture. In fact, don’t be surprised to learn that his ex had absolutely nothing to do with it.

When a breakup occurs, it affects everyone in the emotional vicinity. Not only are you and your boyfriend forced to deal with the emotions that accompany the end of a relationship, but your friends and family have to learn how to deal with it as well. When someone we love goes through a breakup, we must not only watch it with pain, but we must face the reality that their partner will no longer be a regular part of our lives. That may be what’s going on with your ex boyfriend’s friend. He or she has finally realized that you are no longer part of the inner circle and they miss you. His approaching you may well be his way of forging a new friendship that doesn’t include your ex.

Another reason a friend of an ex often shows up unexpectedly is that they’re looking to get back something that belonged to the ex. In other words, your ex boyfriend may have sent his friend on a mission to retrieve something of yours that you have in his possession. You can usually remove this motivation pretty quickly if the friend jumps from asking how you are to asking how they can get the item in question back for your ex. Be careful not to be offended by this. If the roles were reversed and your ex had something significant that belonged to you, you can ask someone else to look for it as well. It’s important not to take any of your breakup frustrations with the friend who may just be an innocent bystander trying to help someone you care about.

Obviously, if you have a renewed relationship with your ex at some point, you hope that the reason your friend contacted you was to do some undercover work to see where you are emotionally and if you have started dating again. Don’t make the mistake of jumping to the conclusion that this is what they’re doing if they ask you if you have a new guy in your life. Again, this may be a normal human curiosity. It’s much better to moderate what you share with the friend for now until you have a clearer idea of ​​what he really wants from you.

If you determine that they are seeking information on behalf of your ex boyfriend, be careful how much you share. If your ex went to the trouble to send someone to gather information for him, he is very interested in getting back together with you. Make it squirm a bit by keeping your emotions close and sharing only small parts of what’s going on. That way, the friend will let your ex know that he isn’t really sure what you’re doing and that curiosity will definitely pique your boyfriend’s interest.

I want to stress how important it is to take an emotional step back from all of this before you put too much emotional energy into the idea of ​​getting back together with your ex. When we want something, sometimes we see things that are not really there. Be honest with yourself about why your ex boyfriend’s friend has walked into your life. Take some time to figure out his motivations and if he really just wants to be his friend, with no hidden agenda, consider accepting that. We can never have too many friends and you never know if this new friendship can help ease the pain of the breakup so that you can finally move on with your life as a happier and more emotionally balanced woman.