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All adults who have children know that it is a challenging and extremely rewarding experience, especially as children grow up to be responsible, independent, caring and productive adults and parents in their own right. After helping raise my own kids, being a professional martial arts instructor since 1979, teaching thousands of kids, and helping other parents raise their kids (I’m told), here are 10 keys I think are important to raise children successfully.

1.Leadership

Children need a leader, someone who is strong, responsible, caring, and committed to their greatest and best good. What children do not need is to be the father of their parents. Children do not need to be friends, friends or best friends with their parents until they, the children, are adults. Children are children. They need leaders to guide, guide, and direct them throughout their early life. Those leaders are the parents who should be in the front row in raising their children. For children to be successful in life, they need a strong parental foundation, one that puts them ahead of their parents’ careers, activities, relationships, and jobs. Children should never be thought of as appendages to their parents’ lives. Until the children are of legal age, the children is it so parental life. When this commitment is given to children, it is a blessing in their early development and later success as responsible and independent adults.

2. Structure

Children need structure. They need fundamental guidelines. They need to know what they can and cannot do. They need to know that if they step out of the bounds of the structure set up for them, there will be consequences. If they stay within limits, everything is copacetic.

Life and society are governed by ethical, moral, social, family, national and spiritual laws and norms. This is life. When laws and rules are not established early on, children learn not to respect them because they were never taught to respect or live by them in the first place. Thus, they risk becoming lawless, defiant, and potentially troubled adults. Therefore, the home, and the karate studio in my personal case, must exhibit defined rules to create the order necessary for a fundamental structure in which everyone thrives, succeeds and learns to manage the limits of life in all its aspects. .

3.Cause and consequence

Continuing with the structural aspects of children’s lives, they should be made to understand that every cause has a consequence (effect), that every action has a reaction, and that a wise person always looks at the consequences of their actions. before commits them. Cause and effect is a law of life. It’s not just a nice thought. No one escapes the law of cause and effect, and when children are not raised with an understanding of this very basic and critical law of life, they are headed for a brick wall at high speed. Nothing good will ever happen in a person’s life if, from childhood, they are not taught that every cause has a consequence. Good actions create good consequences; bad actions create bad consequences. A life of causes without consequences is an illusion and a harbinger of hardships and problems to come.

4. Discipline

Discipline is the crux of success. A yard that is not tended to, weeded, watered, fertilized, trimmed, and mowed regularly becomes an unruly, out-of-control mess of weeds, vines, shrubs, trees, and grass. There may be life without discipline, but it will not be a good life any more than a garden left unattended will remain beautiful. When babies are born, they represent life in its purest, most beautiful and innocent form. To keep it that way, children must be taught to be disciplined, to think before they act, to exercise self-control and judgment. An unruly horse, for example, is a dangerous animal, but when trained to be calm, disciplined, and controlled, it can be an excellent help, resource, companion, and friend. Unruly children risk becoming not only unruly gardens, but also wild horses, out of control and extremely dangerous to themselves and others. A simple look at the lives of many celebrities reveals the human remains thrown on the rocks of an undisciplined life.

5. Property

One of the most fundamental principles of a successful life is this: Our life; Our responsibility. In the same way, as children get older, it is important that parents continue to reinforce the following phrase in their young minds so that when they are adults it will manifest: It’s your life; it is your responsibility.

My children will always be welcome in my home, as I am sure your children will be in yours. This is how loving families work. That being said, to ensure children have successful lives, they need to be functionally aware that their life is their responsibility and they need to grow in that concept. What happens when the parents are no longer around? What happens when they die? If children are empty in their responsibility for their own lives, then what? It is parental love that breeds self-responsibility in children. To prove this, simply ask yourself as a parent: “What would happen if my children were left alone on a deserted island? Could they survive? Would they be strong enough? Resilient enough? Enough resources? Balanced enough?” It’s your life; it is your responsibility, at least they would have a chance of survival. However, if they were looking for someone or something else to take care of them, the prospect of their survival would be iffy at best.

Too many children are not taught this basic life principle of taking personal responsibility. This is obvious because too many adults don’t understand it or live by it. Regardless of what anyone wants to believe, no one is responsible for us but us. It is not the government’s responsibility to take care of us. It is not the responsibility of our friends, neighbors, associates, or even family to take care of us once we come of age. It is solely our responsibility. Raising children to live by this principle is critical to their well-being and success in life.

6. High marks

For children to have a strong sense of self, they must be made to strive for high grades, not mediocre or low grades. Therefore, parents need to set the bar high for their children. Give them something to strive for and achieve. In the process, they will develop habits, principles, and a mindset that will serve them throughout their lives. In martial arts, we teach, The process is the product.. Reaching a Black Belt level is noteworthy, but just because a person does not reach such an esteemed level does not mean that the lessons learned along the way have been in vain or useless. Therefore, parents need to set the bar high so that their children can learn to aim high and achieve their goals and, in the process, build a sense of confidence gained through competition.

7. Sense of values

What has happened to individuals who have a sense of values ​​in their lives? It seems our society is more concerned with its indulgences, pleasures, and gratification than its set of values. For me as a parent, grandparent, teacher, and citizen, this is extremely sad. Living just to enjoy, play and gratify oneself can only result in an empty and insubstantial life. Great people throughout history have lived by a sense of value, not gratification. As the great Dr. Albert Einstein warned: The goal is to raise the spiritual values ​​of society.Y Try not to become a successful man, but rather a man of value..

Values ​​include but are not limited to: humility, discipline, self-control, patience, kindness, generosity, kindness, thoughtfulness, respect, poise, honesty, integrity, a strong work ethic, and doing the right thing rather than the profitable thing. . As the American intellectual, writer, reporter, political commentator, and Harvard graduate Walter Lippman stated in his Preface to Morality (1929): You have honor if you stick to an ideal of conduct even if it is inconvenient, unprofitable, or dangerous to do so.. Where is this value today? Food for thought and certainly important for children to know.

8. Correct rewards

Giving the right rewards at the right time for the right reason is important in parenting. My message to my own children and students was and is this: We do the right thing because it’s the right thing, not because there’s a reward attached. Doing the right thing is its own reward. When children learn this simple life lesson, they do things out of principle, not out of the expectation of some material reward. Constantly giving material rewards like money, candy, clothes, or cars does nothing for our children’s character development, which is the foundation of their lives. Occasionally external rewards are effective, but do the right thing because it’s the right thing it is the right thing to do when raising children.

9. Appropriate praise

Praise is a necessary act in raising children. However, praise should be given when appropriate and that means when the child performs well, gets a high grade, shows excellent character, etc. Praising a child “just because” gives him a false sense of self. Telling a child that he or she is great when she has been naughty is doing her or her a huge disservice. Certainly the word “big” is overused in today’s society. Telling someone they’re great when they’re not lowering the bar and keep lowering it until there’s no bar to reach, only duck to. The result is that children and society continue to degrade and descend, not improve and ascend.

10. Respect

Respect for yourself and others is critical to a well-functioning life. However, it is sorely lacking today. For example, adults should never allow children to address them as “dude” or “friend” or “hello.” How will such a fair child be in the real world when he applies for a job and addresses the boss as “friend”? What has happened to children referring to a grown woman as ma’am, miss, ma’am or to a grown man as sir or sir? I personally find it interesting that many young people today simply don’t know how to address an adult.

By virtue of the fact that adults have preceded children in age and experience, they need children to respect them, not the other way around. The flow of respect goes first from the child to the adult, not the other way around. For example, in the army it is not up to an officer to salute a non-commissioned officer. It is always the responsibility of the lower-ranking soldier to pay homage to the higher-ranking soldiers. This is life. Who in his right mind would order God to do something or call him “friend”? The same process applies to students and teachers, players and coaches, children and parents. There is a hierarchy in life and it needs to be recognized and respected.

Resume

Raising children is demanding. As parents, we all have our ways and means. This article has simply offered some of my personal principles of raising children and students that have worked for me in my tenure as a parent, teacher, and grandparent. I do not claim to have all the correct answers but the ones I have offered have been successful. I share them only as a means of doing my part to ensure a class of children who grow into responsible, respectful, independent, wholesome, and healthy adults.

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