Surviving a breakup requires you to transform the way you think and act on a daily basis. If you simply let the situation overwhelm you, it’s easy to get caught up in a fear that will constantly repel your ex and make him glad that he’s no longer in your life. But if you take good measures and avoid the most common mistakes women make when they want to get back together with their ex, you’ll find that surviving the breakup is easier than you imagined.

Make sure you avoid the following 3 mistakes if you really want to get your ex back:

1. Focus on your emotions

A breakup generates emotions that probably make you think the world is over. But the good news is that life will go on no matter how bad things are right now. You are doing yourself a huge disservice by letting your emotions control how you react to this situation. You are in control of how you feel at any given moment.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to replace your emotions with activities. When you wallow in your emotions, it’s easy to let hours, days, and weeks go by without doing anything productive. But when you decide to take control and choose action over thought, you allow yourself to become a better person. This is key because your ex won’t be tempted to get back with you if all you do is cry and beg them to take you back.

2. Hanging out with useless friends

Even if it seems like your friends are there to help you, you would be wrong. Of course, they mean well, but listening to you talk about your emotions only allows your emotions to have more of a voice. We all have friends like these. Be honest with yourself about who these friends are. Then pick the ones you know are most interested in spending time with you doing fun, life-affirming activities.

3. Calling your ex too soon and too often

After a breakup, you probably feel like there’s a big hole inside of you now that your ex boyfriend is gone. But the worst mistake you can make is trying to fill that whole thing by constantly calling, texting, and IMing your ex. He doesn’t want to hear how badly you’re taking the breakup. He will only make her believe that he made the right decision in leaving you.

Play hard to get to the start of the break. Don’t answer the phone as soon as it rings if you see his name jump up on your screen. Chances are, if you want to get back together, it won’t be over a phone call. Don’t wait for the magic call to arrive. Instead, fill your time with activities that improve your life. When you start to initiate contact again, you will have a lot more to talk about than just your emotions or what your friends said about him.