Christmas is a time when everything revolves around the family. We see the family that we have problems with what brings dysfunction and stress. We see the family we really don’t want to be with. We see family and friends we love. We are also saddened by the loss or separation of family or friends. We feel bad if we are not financially able to buy the gifts we want. All of these things trigger thoughts and feelings that can lead to depression.

Depression is a common reaction to overwhelming circumstances that feels hopeless. Depression has the following symptoms: low self-esteem, sadness, lack of motivation, excessive guilt, ruminating thoughts, loss of pleasure in activities that used to be pleasurable, hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal thoughts. For some, it may simply be feeling dissatisfied, irritable, negative, and sad.

Depression can be caused by your thought patterns and/or a chemical imbalance in the neurochemicals in your brain. If it is a chemical imbalance, antidepressants are usually necessary. Professional counseling can help change the thoughts that contribute to hopelessness. If it is circumstantial, it will pass when circumstances change or, in this case, when the holidays are over.

Here are some common things you can do to cope with the holiday blues:

Accept your circumstances as they are. The image we carry of the holidays is an unrealistic ideal. Most people do not have perfect circumstances. They are normal people who have problems. Don’t have expectations. Accept the circumstances in which you find yourself and adapt to them. You can celebrate the day you choose and in the way you choose. You can create new ways to celebrate. You can find new people to get involved with. You can create new traditions. You may even decide not to celebrate the holidays at all. Change your expectations to match your reality and you will feel relief instantly.

Focus on your life today. The holidays often cause increased loneliness due to the focus on family and intimate relationships. This often triggers feelings of loss and with it the grieving process. One of the stages of grievance is negotiation, in which emotional and mental energy is spent trying to figure out what happened and what could have been done to change it. If you know you’re over your divorce and relationship problems, don’t let yourself review what you’ve already done. Do not look back; wait.

Focus on the positive. If you allow your thoughts to get stuck on what is wrong and wrong, you will feel worse. Instead, focus on what is right and good. No matter how bad things are, there are things in your life that you can celebrate. If you choose to keep your outlook positive rather than negative, you’ll have less reason to get depressed.

Stop comparing yourself to other people. When you look at other people who have what you wish you had, you feel worse about your circumstances. The solution: Don’t compare yourself to anyone else. We are all different and you don’t know everything that happens in other people’s lives. When you see the outside, you assume the inside is perfect. Most of the time it isn’t.

Get involved with other people. Depressed people often give in to depression by withdrawing from others and withdrawing from participation. Don’t allow yourself to isolate yourself. Get involved in projects, people and causes, even when you don’t feel like it. Stay busy and you’ll find your spirits lifted through connections, activities, and support. There are plenty of places to volunteer for the holidays or even seasonal jobs you can do. Force yourself to do something.

Focus on the reason for the season. We celebrate Christmas to remember the birth of Jesus. The reason why he came to our world is because he is broken. We are broken people with imperfect lives and relationships. He was born to die for our sins and give us eternal hope. You don’t have to have a perfect life to rejoice during the holiday season!

You don’t have to have the holiday blues; you can do things on purpose that will allow you to cope and keep them away. Happy Holidays!