Some family and friendship interactions can be difficult and seemingly impossible to navigate. Jealousy, envy, pride, political beliefs, and personality differences can seem insurmountable. Unfortunately, hate and resentment often blind us and prevent us from reasoning or thinking clearly.
I am in a place in life where I refuse to participate in family and friendship disagreements and disputes. My way of dealing with disagreements is this: I refuse to argue. I don’t care what “she said” or “what he did” or “you did” or “he didn’t do” or even “you forgot my birthday” or “you supported Trump or Biden”. In the end, none of that matters.
When a family or friendship conversation turns ugly, I physically remove myself from the situation with the explicit statement that “I love you all, but I’m leaving,” and that’s what I do: I’m leaving. As much as I’m dying to say something in rebuttal to a sarcastic comment. my “wisdom” need not be said or heard. Hard to do? Sure, but so what? Life is short.
In my family and many other families of my generation, “I love you” was an unspoken outsider. I never heard it from my mom or dad, and I bet if you’re anywhere near my age, you never heard it from your parents either. But, enough food showed love, as did enough clothes to wear, even if they were handed down from an older brother or neighbor. It was the “Great Depression”; We were poor, but I didn’t know it.
The power of “I love you” came to me like a revelation when my mother was in the hospital. She was in New Jersey and I lived in California, so it wasn’t likely that she would visit me. I called the hospital to talk to her, and at the end of our tense conversation, I told her for the first time, “I love you,” and she replied without hesitation, “I love you too.” She died several days later. Was he happy that he had told her that she loved her? you bet she made me a better person at the time.
Since the day I last spoke to my mother, I have tried to tell my loved ones and friends that I love them even when I disagree with or like them. I have also chosen to forgive and say “thank you” and let go of grudges – they make you look bad. Even if you don’t feel it, saying “I love you” removes negativity and makes you a happy person.
Today, do something thoughtful for someone you love. Send or bring them a bouquet of flowers, or simply send or gift a greeting card, your own creation or “store-bought” that says “I love you.”
Years ago there was a song, “Little Things Mean a Lot”, sure as hell. it is powerful. What we give comes back to us, not always in the same way, but in other ways more wonderful than we can imagine. Give it a try, you (and they) will like it.