The recent kidnapping and murder of Sarah Everard has brought the issue of women and their safety back into question. A young woman was walking to her house at 9 p.m. after visiting a friend, only to be savagely attacked and killed.

A recent UN Women survey published the week starting 8 March 2021 found that 97% of women aged 18-24 in the UK have been sexually harassed in public places. It’s a heartbreaking statistic.

So should women lock themselves up after dark, treat every man as a potential threat, never risk dressing in a way that could be misconstrued as sexually provocative? That’s no way to live, and besides, not all seizures happen after dark. A recent suggestion, imposing a curfew on men after 6 pm, is also not a reasonable solution.

I guess a lot of women of a certain age have past experiences of unpleasant encounters; a hand on the leg or chest in a crowded place, a threatening look or comment, a feeling of being trapped. I certainly have. From walking into an office at my place of work and seeing pictures plastered on the walls that looked like gynecological exams, to having a black taxi driver climb through the hatch to catch up with me, to being attacked walking home at night. Throw in a few dodgy elevators home after a night out and it becomes an unnerving moment.

But equally, there was the man who stopped and insisted on taking me home safely as I walked alone late at night; I couldn’t get a taxi. He said that he hoped someone would do that for his girlfriend. Or the many men who have supported and defended me and the women I have met from unwanted male attention.

There is so much focus on what women should do to protect themselves in order to minimize risk;

– Do not travel alone, and even share your taxi. Maybe spend the night at his friend’s house, rather than risk traveling alone. Take the taxi record and even photograph the driver so that a record is left on your phone.

– Be careful when driving yourself to places. Make sure the car park is well lit, both for arrival and departure.

– Have your keys in hand. They are a good weapon and also allow you to get into the house quickly.

– Be constantly alert when walking alone, look behind you, avoid using headphones, do not use dark paths, beware of hedge rows and shadows. Many women report walking a longer route or even backtracking at times to find a better lit or more traveled route.

– Have your mobile phone in hand so you can call if you’re alarmed or dissuade someone by looking like you’re already on a call. Agree to text your friend when you’re safe at home.

– And if something happens, report it to the police!

But should women have to accept abuse as part of life, shrug it off as ‘normal’, have to adopt these safety guidelines, be careful how they dress, never venture out alone? What needs to happen for women to feel safe?

This is not about blaming or shaming women. It is important that boys and men accept responsibility for their behavior and are clear about their role in the community. Proper education comes both from home and from school. As children, we learn from and absorb behavior modeled by parents, teachers, friends, celebrities.

Talk to your boys and tell them;

– You don’t need to ‘become a man’ to be a man. Being harsh, not communicating your feelings is not a healthy or positive way to be. Learn to respect women and treat them as you would like them to treat your mother, sister, aunts.

– Call it. If you see lewd behavior, bullying, name calling, derogatory language, stand up and say it’s not okay. Too often bad behavior is observed but then ignored, with no consequences. Choose not to be silent.

– If you see a woman being teased, teased, distressed, reach out and support her. Find out what she needs and offer to help.

– If you walk behind a woman alone, leave some distance between you and her, or even cross the street so that it is clear that you are not following her. Avoid walking at the same pace as it can be disconcerting.

– If you are running, let him know of your presence from a small distance. Make sure she hears you coming, perhaps saying a friendly “hello” when she approaches, or even crossing to the other side of the street.

– Keep your face uncovered, especially at night. Wearing a hoodie, a mask, a scarf, while wearing dark clothing can be a bewildering sight.

– If a woman reveals to you that she has been attacked, listen to her in solidarity, encouraging her to report it to the authorities. His sharing of this will have required a lot of trust and courage, so be respectful of that.

With 50.61% of the UK population being women (World Bank Development Indicators Collection, 2019), it is important to learn positive ways to co-exist. Let’s find ways to value and enjoy each other’s company.