From time to time parents ask me for help regarding the discipline of their children. It’s a different age than when many of us were children and the discipline techniques of yesterday don’t work today. Lots of them anyway.

I have a very disciplined task with a touch of NLP that makes it easy for you and useful for your child. Let’s have a quick chat about discipline first.

I have a word for you – consistency. There are too many children I meet in my office or through parents whose only consistency is that there is no consistency. Lack of consistency of rules, rewards, consequences, punishments, etc. Every day they wake up their new rules. This can be very, very confusing for children. Children need rules, limits and consistency.

When I work with parents to increase their parenting skills, the biggest downfall is consistency. During our conversations, I may ask what kind of reward and consequence methods they use and a standard comment is “but that doesn’t work for us.” To me, that simply means that any method may not have been used consistently. This may be because it is too difficult to implement or simply not effective.

Whatever you do should be easy to implement, otherwise you’ll give up. If you. His son is not going to do anything to help ensure that his consequences are carried out; that’s the parent’s job. My favorite stories are the ones with a long list of ‘you can’t…’ like this: “you (the child) can’t watch TV, talk on the phone, use the computer, play games, have friends at home.” Go with friends – nothing, nothing. You are grounded for two weeks!” Two days after grounding, the child goes to the parents: I am bored … the parents reply “go watch TV”. Punishment finished. Child – one point. Parent – Nothing. If it’s too hard to manage, maintain, or sustain, it won’t work.

This is one of my best discipline/consequence methods that works for any child ages 6-16. This is how it works (some of you may remember this from school):

1. Buy your child a notebook (spiral, exercise, etc.) of their own. If she has more than one child, this means more than one book. One for = one child.

2. Choose a place in the house where your child can sit, undisturbed, for 5 to 30 minutes (or more). This place should be outdoors (not in her room) and not in a pre-anchored place (ie where the child always sits at an anchored table to eat).

3. Explain this consequence to your children. Here’s an example:

From now on there will be a consistent consequence when you don’t follow the family rules. I’ll give you a warning that you’re not following the rules. If you continue you will stop what you are doing, go get your notebook and sit at the table and write x pages of lines. Let’s devise the line together. As you write the lines, you will not speak, get up from your seat, or do anything other than write. If you talk, get up, or do anything other than write, that will add 1 page of lines. You will sit there until you are complete. When you write, all lines should be neat. If not, it will redo the entire page. Once he’s done, he’ll apologize with words, and then you can get on with your day. Do you have any questions?

4. A general rule of thumb is 1 page of lines (1 line per line) per year of age. So, 6 years = 6 pages. Depending on the size of the book, you may want to modify this. Some families choose 20 lines per year of age (6 years = 120 lines).

5. When you choose the line to write, keep it simple and positive based on what you want your child to learn and do in the future:

• No: I will not hit my brother.
• Yes: I will treat my brother with respect.
• No: I’m not going to scream.
• Yes: I will find better ways to express my anger.
• No: I will not cheat on my homework.
• Yes: I will do my own work to the best of my ability.

6. Make sure you and your entire family (and any caregivers) know what the family rules are and that all responsible adults follow this consequence, consistently!

The feedback I have received from parents for this simple consequence has been wonderful. The property is given to the child. The sooner they complete the task (legibly), the sooner they can get back to playing or whatever comes next. I have a client who takes his notebooks everywhere and has the children doing this task in the car, in a restaurant, in family homes, etc.

What I love about this task is this:

• Provides an instant ‘timeout’
• It’s easy to manage – anyone can implement it (tell the babysitter!)
• can be done anywhere
• It focuses on what you want to happen in the future.

If this task is done consistently, this could become one of your favorite consequences; however, it might not be to your children’s liking!