GOD’S OPINION ON FAVORITISM
Favoritism or partiality in families may be unavoidable, but its divisive effects must be minimized. Parents may not be able to change their feelings towards a favorite child, but they can change their feelings towards a favorite child, but they can change their actions towards others.
In James 2:1-7, acts of partiality or favoritism were condemned, but we act against this biblical mandate in our various families in one way or another. God sees all people as equal and if he favors anyone, he is the poor and powerless. Favoritism is against the biblical definition of love.
NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF PARENTAL FAVORITISM
Children can tell if mom or dad is their favorite. When a parent shows favoritism toward one child over another, serious conflict can develop in a family. For example, all three patriarchal families had problems with parental favoritism due to one selfish reason or another:
Sarah favored Isaac due to jealousy of Hagar (Gen. 21:9-10) and this led to a conflict between Abraham and Sarah over Ishmael’s fate (Gen. 21:11-12).
Isaac favored Esau because Esau was a hunter and Isaac loved meat (Gen. 25:28). This led to a conflict between Jacob and Esau over his father’s blessings (Gen. 27:41-45).
Jacob favored Joseph as mentioned above and this caused a conflict between him and his brothers (Gen. 37:3-4; 1 Sam. 21) and they eventually sold him to the merchants of Media.
These cases cited above have revealed conflicts about conflicts rather than ideal brotherly love. Conflicts aided and abetted by parents degenerate into fraternal conflicts and family wars: Isaac and Ismael; Jacob and Esau; Rachel and Leah; Joseph and his brothers and David’s sons instead of the ideal brotherly love. These conflicts are even evident today in our various homes due to the role some parents play in what might be called “divided love.”
LIKELY ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS POSED IN SECTION 1.0
As mentioned above, let’s try to answer some questions raised above:
i. Is it possible for parents to love all their children equally?
No. The existence of some natural endowments/differences that exist in children, such as intelligence, special talents, facial appearance, height that may be similar to that of the mother or father, stature, and other qualities that may attract either parent. children are imminent in children. All this in some cases tends to make parents have an unequal love for their children.
ii. Is a father’s special love for some children or a child a sin?
No. Special love in the context of our topic is not a sin, but the form or manner of manifesting it may be a sin. So this requires serious caution in how we show special love.
iii. Are there ways we can pretend we don’t love one child more than the others when the real love of children is not equal?
There are many ways we can show this special love in our children without other children knowing about it. We can treat them equally by buying the same items (clothes, takeaways, shoes, ties, etc.) and punishing them equally without showing the special love at the time.
IV. Why do parents show partiality or favorism towards their children?
Bias or favoritism is shown towards our children because of the comparative or competitive advantage they have over others. Such advantages range from obedience, service (not service) orientation, cleanliness, intelligence, ability to listen to instructions, ability to carry out assigned tasks, use common sense, not playing street games, steal and other dirty games.
v. What can parents do to prevent or discourage this partial love?
Parents can do a lot to avoid partial love or treat their children equally by buying them the same or equivalent clothes, putting them in the same school, using the same vehicle to take them to church, making sure they do everything together, including eating, stay in rooms of the same standard, etc.
saw. Why should parents allow love to grow cold in the family or allow conflict between the children of their families?
Parents allow conflicts to exist between their children because they do not want to make the favored child responsible for any problem and they do not understand that it can degenerate into quarrels later on. Parents should prevent children from fighting with each other or allow conflicts to interfere with their activities. For love to cool down in families, there are little bad things that have been happening between boys and girls that are no longer tolerated, as in the case of José and his brothers. If the favored son begins to show others that he has more power over them or the support of the parents. The love that unites the family will start to wane or grow cold in the family and this will lead to many problems now and in the future.
WHAT SHOULD PARENTS DO
Parents must be able to do many things to stop this situation and create a conducive and conflict-free fraternal coexistence in our families.
Do not show favoritism: it is true that you can enjoy one child at a time more than the others, whether it is because the child has preference in one area or another, skills, interests, hobbies, children can be treated equally or in a manner identical. .
Our children must be loved fully, individually and abundantly in the same way that God loves us and as God is no respecter of persons. He gave us children to treat them the same way he treats us.
Exercise your parental authority over your children when they develop negative attributes or become hurtful or unpleasant with others (Deut. 6:6-9).
Teach your children that fighting is not the best way to resolve disputes.
Do not give special gifts to some of your children at the expense of others.
Advantaged children must not be treated in such a way that disadvantaged children are mistreated or openly ignored.
It may seem impossible for parents to treat their children equally considering the fact that there are many differences between children in different areas of their human activity: education, business, talents, services, obedience, brilliance, etc., but the negative effects far outweigh the positive effects. There are even differences in the facial appearance, stature and stature of children and this also makes them attracted or disliked by one or the other parent. Therefore, these demand a careful relationship between parents and children so as not to give others the wrong impression of a supposed love story or a love-hate situation in the family. Therefore, parents should be as careful as children when dealing with the issue of parental favoritism. If handled well, a supportive and nurturing atmosphere will always be available to a Christian family despite all other adversities.