Have you been taught to “keep a stiff upper lip” at all times and keep your emotions to yourself? Or were you reprimanded as a child when you began to cry with this overzealous parental declaration: “You want something to cry about; I’ll give you something to cry about?”

Most of us have been taught that crying is a sign of weakness. Also, if you are going to “break” (what a terribly demoralizing statement) we are instructed to do it in private, never in public.

Actually, crying is a very normal human response. It is a temporary release from internal and external conditions, a way of accepting the pain of the change in doses that can be managed. More specifically, it is nature’s antidote to pain.

So why should you cry? Let’s examine why.

1. Above all, crying is coping with the situation. That’s a belief you should keep repeating and repeating in your self-talk, especially if you’ve been heavily influenced by well-meaning adults who planted the seeds of negativity toward crying. Give yourself permission to cry.

2. Shedding tears is coping because it is a safe method of coping with the pain of loss. Facing the pain, not running from it, is what ultimately leads to healing through acceptance of what cannot be changed. Avoiding pain prolongs grief and suffering by increasing tension and anxiety. Shakespeare put it this way: “To weep is to lessen the depth of the grievance.”

3. Biochemist William Frey, who has studied tears and their function more than any other scientist, discovered that emotional tears (of sadness, anger, fear, etc.) actually remove toxins from the body. On the other hand, tears of joy or happiness have far fewer toxic biological byproducts. It is not an exaggeration to say that crying can keep you healthy. So if they come when you are at church, on a bus, when you hear a certain song, or when you are walking, look at them as your good friends.

4. Stress on the body is reduced when you cry well. Thoughts and emotions filter through cells and cause major physiological disturbances. Anger, guilt or depression -common responses in mourning- initiate alarm reactions in the body, and crying reduces the physical effects on the cardiovascular system.

5. And if you can’t cry because the belief of “not crying” is very deep-rooted? Find another way to release those pent up feelings. Write, paint, draw or sketch what you feel. Fix it for some reason. It may help to go to a therapist and talk about your inability to cry and what has caused a normally healthy response to be blocked.

Tears communicate, lubricate, elicit sympathy, change mood, reduce stress, and help us cope with myriad losses throughout life. They are truly clever in design due to the many functions they perform. The therapeutic value of crying is clear: accept, encourage and nurture crying in yourself and those you support in times of change. Don’t rush for the Kleenex.

Have a good cry. In fact, never miss an opportunity to shed tears and allow stress, confusion, and frustrations to flow. And notice how laughter and tears go hand in hand, sometimes in the same breath. Together, they are twin resources that must be given high priority in all types of healing and adaptation to life’s changes.